A HELLO!

Hello! Hi everyone :) Hi! Sort of want to stop right here and retreat and delete as I really don't want to make this post but I want to apologise for my absence for so long! Things haven't really been great recently and things have changed a bit with where I'm staying but I'm OK! Some days it's tempting to to throw myself into one of Bristol's many rivers or drown myself in my own baths of tears but I've so far resisted (I kid, sort of). Some rubbish things happened and I'm usually an eternally positive, independent person but I've got just about no self esteem, faith and worth right now, and any trickle of hope is leaking into the cracks of a completely shattered spirit. I don't really remember what I felt like before all this and that's the worst thing as I just feel like nothing! Work is still great though so I live for the 9-5 and I've seen some home friends recently which is fab, but generally the rest of the time I don't quite know what to do with myself anymore. I had to stay with my sister for a while in Cardiff and she and her very lovely, accommodating housemates are amazing, but going to Bristol and back each day and with all my belongings under her stairs in boxes, it wasn't really a dream blogging situation! I've got a really cute room now but I don't go to Bristol town anymore so I haven't been browsing or shopping, just staying inside really! Hence why putting yourself right out there on the internet just didn't happen even though I've missed blogging.

Amist all this was the highlight of maybe the year and my mini career so far was the bloggers evening I organised at Motel! Hopefully you did see it across many blogs as I tried to invite as many as possible and I think people had fun! I had lots of help from the lovely Motel ladies and some marvelous interns and student ambassadors, and of course it was full of girly treats and the current collection that I lovelovelove and don't want to stop promoting. The event was quite bitter sweet as it fell at such bad timing but hopefully there will be another that will be purely wonderful. I'm going home for Christmas at the end of the week which I'm thinking will make it a bit gruelling to then come back down to Bristol in the new year but who knows what will happen in 2012! Half hoping that it will be nothing as I want to walk round in a coat covered in spikes.

Well there you go, nothing more will be mentioned again! I don't put too much personal stuff on my dear old blog anyway but I'll start posting again as of course with work, I am still fashion and beauty obsessed. So again I'm sorry for disappearing and thank you for sticking around, I'll just go back now to sorting my socks or dusting or whatever I seem to spend my time doing nowadays! Much love xx

Comments

[Enyboa]

I've been reading your blog for over a year now and have never commented, but reading this broke my heart! I know how easy it is for a stranger to say "chin up" but I really hope things turn around for you and 2012 is an awesome year for you in all aspects of your life! Stay strong xx

[Cheryl]

Thanks for updating! I'm really sorry to hear that things haven't been going so well for you. I hope things will get better soon, and hopefully the festive season will cheer you up! Merry Christmas!

[Zoe]

I'm glad you're back Selina and what you're feeling is natural, I hope all your positivity and confidence will return to you very soon as you deserve it.

The bloggers evening looked incredible! Just the sort of event I'd love to go to because this season's Motel is stunning!!

Happy Christmas! Enjoy it x

[WendyB]

Sorry you're going through a bad time!

[Laura]

You are my absolute favourite blogger, I've been reading for years but have never commented before. Just wanted to say that I'm so happy to see you're back but am saddened to hear you've had a rough couple of months. Hope next year is better for you x

[kirsty]

Hi Selina! Like everyone else who is commenting, I really love your blog and have been reading for years but rarely comment.

I hope you're feeling better soon, really sad to hear you've been going through such a hard time. Take as much time out from blogging as you need, I hope you know that all your readers will be waiting for you whenever you want to come back to it because we all enjoying your blog so much!

Hope you have a lovely christmas. xx

[Jemma]

So glad to have you back!

[Laura]

Love reading your blog and have also never commented before.
Hope it gets better for you Selina, and that the new year brings good news. We all need time to just chill away from stuff for a while, so we're all gonna be understanding, don't worry! xo

[Aisling]

Selina hope you're ok! It's nice to have you back, you have been missed! I hope this makes me feel slightly better :) xx

[Sarah]

Hope you start to feel ok soon, we missed you!
X x x

[Colleen]

Aw, I'm sorry bad things are happening to you :( It sounds like you've got your living situation sorted out now. I'm sure everything will be better soon. 2012 is a new year! Don't let the haters get you down.

[Claire]

I really hope things get better Selina, I've felt like that before too for long periods of time and it really does drain you. Really hoping you have the wonderful Christmas you deserve,

xxx

[Laura]

Gutted you're feeling blue Selina, you're an amazing person and hopefully all will come good soon! xxxx

[Faye]

Aww hope u feel better soon, I've missed your blog and youtube vids lots.

have a lovely Christmas :)

xx

[Hannah]

hun i hope you're okay. have really missed your blogs. i hope things improve for you soon xxx

[Em]

I'm so sorry to hear that! I'm sure that staying with your family will make you good and you'll come back with new energy! Bad times do happen but they end up coming to an end, so keep on and someday you'll wake up with a smile on your lips again! On the while, do know that we totally support you!!

[Harriet]

Hey Selina,

so sorry you've been going through such a crap time. I hope your ok, just look after yourself - we all think you are wonderful!

xx

[Leah]

Selina, so sad to hear you're having a bad time. I've no idea what specifics are, but having been through what felt like an awful time earlier this year (where, as you say, all you can remember feeling is the abyss that surrounds you now) I can imagine what you're feeling. Anyway, I can't purport to make you feel better, BUT, I just want you to know, that if you ever need a friend in Bristol, don't hesitate to give me a call (literally speaking, I presume you still have my number!)
Hope you have a pleasant time at home (I'm throughly enjoying being back for the moment) and let's both hope that 2012 brings on calmer waters for all. Much love xxx

[Style Eyes Ethical Fashion Blog]

Really sorry that you have been having such a hard time. Hoping for a much better 2012 for you.

[winnie]

Aww man, it sucks to hear you've had such a crappy time lately, I did wonder where you'd gone but that sucks about the housing situation. I do hope that 2012 brings you lots more luck on that front.

On the plus side, it'll be lovely to be back with the family for a while and if you fancy a coffee, you know I'm just a text away! :)

[Amy]

Aww keep your chin up hun and remember that after the storm there is always calm. Sending you lots of happy thoughts and hugs. Really hope you have a swell Xmas and things get better ASAP! P.S. I know I don't even know you so don't think I'm weird lol, but I hate to see anyone feel like this so I'd gladly come visit you and cheer you up - a train ride is nothing, or come to London - cake and hot choccie on me :) Either way when I'm feelin down I find being around people, especially the fun sort helps, so don't be lonely hun xxx

[Rebecca]

I have missed your blogging so much! So sad to hear you are going through a rough patch, hope it all gets better for you soon! Sending you positive vibes :) x

[HEADLESS]

Sorry to hear you are going through a bad time right now. Please get well soon i'm sure things will turn around for you soon.

[emilymews]

Oh Selina, that is so sad :( I really hope that things turn around for you very very soon, you really deserve it. You should never lose faith in yourself, you are unique and inspiring, and we all think you are amazing! :) xx

[Suzy]

Hi Selina, it's great to see you back. I'm sorry you've had a rough time lately. I hope things get better for you and hope you have a great Christmas. All the best for 2012 :) xx

[Jen]

Hi Selina, I'm a first time commentor but long-time reader too.

Reading this post really resonated with me as I've also previously had long, long periods of darkness, confusion and a general "whats the point" feeling which manifested itself into depression, and I just want to assure you that you really, truly, have the strength within yourself to make yourself feel better and to make it out of the abyss that you may feel as though you're in.

You are a beautiful, interesting person it would seem from your wonderful blog, and so dedicated and inspiring! I hope you will have a relaxing christmas with the warmth and support of your family and i hope these feeling begin to subside.

From one Brummie lady to another - Keep your chin up, you are worth a million dollars xxxx

[Juliane @ C'est moi à Paris]

I hope you feel better soon! There is the chance for a fresh start with the new year!

[Sara Louise]

Hey lovely,

I don't usually comment like this really on blogs (although I love reading them!) but I just wanted to say I completely understand and feel your pain, I've been through a rough time myself recently with lots of stuff including housing and horrible housemates, and still am, and all I wanted to do is run away but you will get through it I promise, and everything ALWAYS works out in the end. Don't give up. (easier said than done I know too well) lots of love xxxx

ps I went to your bloggers event and it was AMAZING!!! and you were so friendly and welcoming! you should be so proud of yourself. Hope there's more to come!!

[Frillsnspills]

I really hope you feel better soon, I have had periods like this but you do come out the other side stronger!

Much love <3

Maria xxx

[jazzy elizabeth]

<3 x

[Account Deleted]

Hope you're feeling a bit better Selina! Happy new year xx

[SadieJanie]

Hey Selina,

Again I like a few others always read your blog/never comment. You always come across as a lovely girl and its not nice seeing someone having a hard time. I hope it passes soon and you can start smiling again. I had a bit of a rough time last year and thankfully things have started looking up so I know how shitty it feels being stuck in that weird zone where your moods won't shift. Hopefully a new year and a new start for good things in your life xx

[Hayley]

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been having such a bad time recently. It sounds like things are starting to look up for you though. You're an amazing person and you definitely deserve the best out of life. I hope you had a good Christmas and New Year, hopefully 2012 will be better for you xx

[Rachel]

<3 <3 <3 I know exactly how this feels Selina! But many <3 your way!

[online business]

Your post is rocking and knowledgeable…I really appreciate the way you write. I would like to read more from you.

[sophiaa]

I just read this post! you are a lovely amazing human being !!! talented clever caring so sweet and super pretty and hot!! so you have a lot to feel worthy for!! miss ya so much wish we could have a chili express day with mountains of coke!!! xxxxxxx

[Lucy-Jane]

Sucks that you're feeling so down. I went through a similar thing a few years ago and all I can say is that it does make you stronger, and happier in the long run. Just hang in there!!! Hope it all sets itself right soon.

[Harley]

You have been missed! I'm having a pretty rubbish time as well right now, but just think how much stronger you're going to be when you pull through. :) That's what keeps me going. Hope everything works itself out as soon as possible.

[The bourgeois girl]

I know you posted this awhile ago now, but just wanted to send you some love because I have been in similar situations.we're young and in a few years these moments of stress won't seem as significant as today :) if you ever want to do a beauty swap with a Vancouver blogger, let me know! glad you're back selina!

xxthebourgeoisgirl